Friday, July 19, 2013
Patience ? Fortitude while waiting at almost 42 weeks pregnant!
Do you ever wonder why it is so easy to worry, wonder and create more stress? While it can be SO difficult to relax, let life go and trust all will be ok... I DO! I love to listen to others and be calm and thoughtful as to why we don't need to have all the answers yet. But when it comes to our own family life it is more difficult to step back and breathe right away. Be at peace. My continual coaching of self through this 41st week of pregnancy has been...breathe... Enjoy this time. Because last week I was an internal waiting wreck! I was sure that this baby was a July 2nd baby.... and here we are 17 days later. Healthy, active, outwardly calm....wondering what lesson in life we are to be learning. While variance in Estimated Due Date is normal, perfectly normal... for me it has always been very accurate. Hence, I have not felt out of control at that time. Waiting with others waiting on me is probably one of my weakest moments. I stress about everyone else's emotions, needs, lives. They shouldn't be waiting for me! I think of how annoying or troublesome waiting for me is. I think they must need to be able to move on completely and get on with their own life. My last child was born via a C-Section after 2 and 1/2 days at home with people around (yes, waiting for me)and another day waiting for my labor to progress in hospital without endangering baby.... and I felt worse for all wondering than myself. I felt like I was letting others down and disrupting lives. It is rarely about me. Do you think I need more ability to let go? I must not realize what 'Letting GO and Letting God' really entails. My prayers have definitely become more calm and more trusting in this last week. My understanding that baby is just not that ready and I needed that visit time with this little one inside has been a journey. I have friends who are calling, texting, or assuming they have just not been notified. I have friends who are afraid to ask if something went dreadfully wrong. The first week of July to now has been an eye opener for me of research. Much, much more pregnancy and baby knowledge that I never had at my fingertips. I had an internal fight to make sure I am making best medical decisions by not inducing yet. Then I had to be ready to back up my decision with sincere knowledge and not emotion. My instinctive mother heart is STRONG. I do know best for child and myself. BUT, I also know nothing!! HAHA! Absolutely nothing is in my control, or has to be in this beautiful natural process of motherhood. My experiences have made me who I am. Have surrounded me with incredible friends, family, support teams who are intelligent and self aware individuals! WHAT A BLESSING! To see in this experience the quality of people I have surrounded myself with by love and choice. To be able to be thankful that my impatient children speak more and more often to their unborn sibling...and offer words of love, encouragement, excitement. That my 5 year old Knute comes up and kisses his sibling through my belly many more times a day than he was. The human experience of deep love with no return. They cherish this baby they cannot wait to meet... I hadn't noticed how much more precious each day waiting has made this child seem to us! What a gift in my personal growth I can see and feel today! Who knows what wonderful lessons await us all when we can just breathe and let life unfold beautifully, magically around us...complete with all its wrinkles, pains and joys! Be Well and Be Blessed today!